In March, I was focused on making, going meatless, and motivation. I did very well in those areas. It’s a good thing that writing and posting to this site wasn’t a concentration for the past couple of months because I would have failed miserably. This break was a good thing, though. I needed to focus on some minor health issues (everything is fine now) and some other areas in my life.
I also took some time to assess what I wanted to focus on right now with this blog and setting up a schedule for future posts. I’m happy with what I’ve come up with. Those of you who were following my old site know that I used to post seven days a week. I don’t have the time to do that at present, at least not at the quality I would want so I’ll be trying to post three times a week. Look for updates starting next week on Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.
Changing gears, I just want to say a bit about Mother’s Day. This is a challenging holiday for many, myself including. When you’ve lost your mother it is hard to be on Facebook and see all the photos of friends enjoying brunch with their moms. I find myself dreading checking my email this time of year because of all the promotional “Don’t forget to buy mom a gift” emails from various retailers.
I lost my mom a few years ago, just five days before my 30th birthday. My dad had passed away when I was 11. My thirties in many ways has been the decade of exploring what it is like to be parentless. No matter if you were incredibly close with your parent(s) or had some frictions, it’s odd to know that you can’t call your mom or dad up for advice, to share your victories, or look for comfort when you’re having a rough time.
I’ve been thinking about the term motherhood. I don’t consider myself a traditionally maternal person. Having children isn’t something I feel strongly about and unless I have a dramatic change of desires in the future, being a mom isn’t something I envision for myself. Yet, without that title or want we all have people in our lives that serve that role of nurturer and we find ourselves supporting others in that way at one point or another.
When you’ve lost your parents holidays can be rough. I still struggle with finding where I belong during these times. I’m very lucky in that I have an incredible family including two amazing sisters. My sisters always invite me to join them for holidays and I sometimes do. One of my sisters is married and the other is engaged so holidays often are spent with their in-laws or in-laws to be. I feel accepted by both of my sisters’ new families, but they aren’t my family and it is a much different connection I have to them than my sisters’ do.
Aside from my remaining relatives I consider my close friends my family. This works out most of the year, with the exception of holidays, because the majority of my friends have parents and/or in-laws they are celebrating with. Finding home and family is something I struggle with even though to an extent I have both in my life. I have a feeling discovering and shaping those areas is going to be the other major definition of this decade for me.